Dear India,

Oh, India. It’s a love/hate relationship with you, isn’t it? When I’m with you I seem to find everything that is wrong with you and when I am not with you, I long for you, to be snuggled back in your cow dung covered bosom. Your smells, sounds and sights can only be experienced in person, and as each day that passes with you the realization of needs vs. wants becomes ever so clear.

Oh India, you break me, you give me things I do not ask for. Yet I accept them begrudgingly, but it’s acceptance just the same. So I cry,  because I’m a wuss, a baby, a pampered little bitch and I come to you to get kicked in the head, knocked over, molested, scolded, poisoned and suffocated. Is all this really necessary?

India, you kid me not. You are not joking when you give me these “gifts”. This is your test of my strength, my mental clarity and my ability to bounce back. And I will ALWAYS bounce back, after I cry like a little girl running to the bathroom to hide.

Yet you always know how to show me the silver lining, that little glimmer of generosity, of fruits, flowers and sweets from your people, who seem to know just how far outside of my comfort zone I have traveled. You show me enough benevolence to soften the blow.

Oh India, I cry when I am with you and I cry out in laughter when I look at you from afar. And the West, she is so far from you dear India, that nothing she has compares to your deep colorful soul.

Soon I will leave you again. But don’t worry, you have not broken me so much that I will not return. For I will return, fearless. And again, you will show me that I’m not that big of a deal. Again you will kick me, knock me over, molest me, scold me, poison and suffocate me. Again I will cry. And again you will show me the graciousness that only you India can. Making it all worth while.

Sincerely,

Maureen Hanusek

Oh…The Curse of the Facebook

How many times have we seen a post on Facebook that just irks the crap out of us?  How many FB friends to we keep around just to see what they are going to say next? How many people have you “hidden” on your profile so that your friend numbers don’t go down or as to not offend them? How many ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends do you have on your friends list? And how many people do you just keep up with because it’s entertaining to gloat in their ignorance?

It’s a sick twisted game and it can drive a person crazy. I know my boyfriend, Chuck Dinkins loves to post controversial propaganda on his FB page just to get his 2000 “friends/fans” all riled up. And it works, he gets dozens of responses to his posts and people who don’t even know each other get into heated debates, even arguments. It’s ridiculous, he thinks it’s hilarious.

The Facebook curse that I’ve been dealing with over the past few years may be an inspiration to some, to me it seems like a little bit of an overload. But then, maybe half of all your FB “friends” are not yogis or yoga instructors.

I like chocolate, A LOT! But a chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips, chocolate fudge, chocolate whipped cream and a chocolate covered cherry is OVERLOAD! And the ooey, gooey, sticky, sweet overload of advice, inspirational sayings and tips toward enlightenment can make one think that those who are seeking a yogic path are faking it. I’m not saying that they are, but it sure seems like they are trying to convince everyone on FB that their life is headed in a more spiritual direction than everyone else.

I admit it, I am guilty of posting some inspirational sayings on the FB when the mood strikes me. But I am also sorry to say that I have hidden a few of you who post crap like that multiple times a day. It gives what you are trying to say less meaning the more often you post. Maybe you see me as a pessimist because I don’t need an inspirational quote everyday to get me out of bed and make it a good one.

My personal thought (and feel free to disagree) is that if you are posting several times a day what a good teacher, yogi, spiritual seeker, Christian, athlete, artist or whatever label you give yourself, then maybe you aren’t who you think you are.

I completely understand that Facebook is a platform for self promotion and marketing, so for those of you who are workin’ it to make a buck, go on wit’ your bad self. But for those of you who are trying to convince the rest of us that you are something that you know truly deep down that you are not, remember this, actions, not words are the truth of whom you are. Lead by example and quit the spouting. No one listens to someone who never shuts up.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t like myself and knew I needed to change. This was not an overnight process, and is continually ongoing. Now, I can say I like the person I have become and don’t need post it on FB to prove it to anyone.

One quote I do like is this, “I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”  Kurt Cobain

Maybe Cobain was kind of a f*#k up, but he’s right. My interpretation is that as long as you live your life as a kind and honest person, then let the haters hate. They don’t deserve your friendship,  but they do need your love and compassion.

During my yoga practice today, I allowed the FB posts of another “friend” take over my mind and found myself mindlessly going through the motions of asana (yoga postures). I began to smile and giggle thinking how ridiculous I was being in my head and that it wasn’t worth another millisecond of my life. As a result, my practice became all the more enjoyable as I giggled through the rest of my practice, even sending love and dedicating my practice to this FB “friend” whom I feel seems to have something to prove.

Later that morning, during our conference with Sharath, (our yoga teacher here in Mysore) he said, “Leave your negative thoughts outside with your shoes. If you have negative thoughts in your practice it won’t be peaceful or enjoyable as it should be.” Something I already knew and needed to hear again (and probably will again in the future).

What Do People Really Think of Americans?

I am a good traveler, I think. I try to adhere to local customs. I try not to stick out like a sore thumb and I try to visit the places that aren’t so “touristy”. I’ve been to dozens of countries and now that my passport is completely full of stamps, I’m beginning to look back at my travels and think about how people from other countries used to see America and how they see America now.

I remember nearly twenty years ago when I spent a summer semester in Spain, how proud I was to be an American. Back then the “ugly American” was apparent in their denim, Nikes and overall loud appearance and speak. I will never forget, walking down Las Ramblas in Barcelona and seeing an overweight guy, about 6’2″, wearing baggy denim shorts, a red polo shirt, Nike running shoes, a baseball cap, carrying a backpack holding a map in his hand shouting to someone nowhere in sight, “Yo dude! It’s way the f*#k down there!”

It was embarrassing, to say the least. And as I continued my journey through France and Italy that summer, I remember meeting other European backpackers who seemed so much more subtle in their manner. Although it seemed to me that they stuck out as badly as that ugly American, with their dark socks, sandals and scruffy appearance. But somehow, they seemed to fit in. Back then, we were proud to be Americans, and people always seemed to be impressed when told where we were from. But that has changed, and so have I.

Over the past 2 decades I have traveled dozens of countries spanning 5 continents and the luster of being an American overseas has faded. And over this period of time, so has the American traveler.  People aren’t so impressed when you tell them you are from the United States. Even the other day, while here in India, a child asked me where I was from, and upon telling him that I was an American, her responded, “oh.” Emotionless. Nevertheless, I wasn’t disappointed by his response, I actually understand it, and sort of agree.

No longer are we the leader in pop culture and flash. No longer are the glory days of Michael Jackson and blue jeans. Our image has changed in the eyes of the world and it is not a good one. These days we are seen as tyrants, war mongers and destroyers of culture. We are not liked as a society as we used to be, and it is sad, because we have brought it upon ourselves. Our greed, our power hungry portrayal in the media, our desire to acquire more “stuff” and our pride and ego about it all is what the American way has become.

I have given up the “stuff” to travel the world and will always choose this option. Traveling is the best way to learn and to see how most of the world truly lives. Let’s take some of these statistics, shall we?

80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day.

22,000 children a day die due to poverty.

Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.

Less than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn’t happen.

Some 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, and 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation.

Millions of women spending several hours a day collecting water.

So the next time you flush your toilette or turn on the sink, think to yourself what you really need in this lifetime?

Do I really need this Big Mac?

Do I really need this expensive purse?

Do I really need a new pair of flashy sneakers?

Do I really need this gluttonous lifestyle?

Americans have become uglier, fatter and more unappealing to the other nations of the world, and as a traveler I am trying to change that image. The Americans I have met traveling over the past few years are different than those of decades ago. We are more subtle with our speak, we are more modest with our dress and we are less flashy with our spending.

These are the people I am proud to call my fellow Americans. And I am embarrassed for those Americans whose ignorance keeps them in the vicious cycle of gluttony, greed and the overall “Keeping up with the Jones’” mentality.

If you don’t like the way things are in our country, the first change you have to make is your own behavior. From there you plant a seed that will one day flower for all the world to see.

Poverty statistics: www.globalissues.org

Ugh…politics.

It’s been a pretty political past few years. I don’t remember any time before in my life when politics were such a big part of the news and daily life regularly. It’s been in out of the mouths of Americans constantly since before the last presidential election.

Everyday there are posts from Facebook friends about politics.  Supporting one political candidate or another. Posts with links to information about policies, bills, propositions, stances or opinions about something, anything our government is doing.  I am guilty of this cyber bantering and participate either looking for an “Amen sister” or more truthfully to ‘awaken’ some of my FB sleepers.

But what I have come to realize with all the information that this world wide web has to offer is that it is a lot of b.s.  What is really the truth? What is opinion? What are just parts of a story and when is it just a bold faced lie in Times New Roman?

I’m a leftist. I’m not afraid to admit it.  But I don’t want to boast about it. I was taught growing up that your vote was something private. Politics are not something you speak about, especially with people whom you just meet. Another faux pas which I am guilty of. Not to mention co-workers or FB friends who may ‘hide’ you or even worse defriend you.

What I do realize is that when it comes to someones beliefs, political or otherwise, what they believe is really what they think to be true. My truths are not the same as someone who has right wing truths. What someone who has conservative views believes can be all lies to me, and vice versa.

There is NO right way to see the world. We each see the world differently. We each have different personal truths. And, we all have similar truths. What I know is that the majority of Americans, approximately 300,000,000 people want the USA to become a better country.  Yes, THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE living in this country, right this very second, have the same personal truth as this.

Can we not start from here?  From this one common truth? You can choose which media outlet you get your news. You can agree or disagree with ‘stories’ of whats going on. And as some of us have chosen to become an American or as some of have been born Americans, the only way forward is by honoring the truth that runs common amongst us all.

So my truth of the day, as it will be tomorrow, is to leave the world today a better place than it was yesterday and the live this life a better person than I was yesterday. When we can make that commitment to our countrymen & women, blind of race, religion, sexual orientation, political affiliation, and physical or mental ability, then and only then will we be able to again make this a great country, exuding peace, compassion and leadership into the future.

So please stop the bickering, the platforming, the persuading, and honor the person next to you. To all who read this, thank you for your personal truths, but let’s not argue about it, let’s all agree to be FREE.

Facing Your Fears and Letting Go

There are some days when I get up, drag myself to the mat and dread every second of it.  There are days when I leap out of bed and float to my mat and want it to go on for hours.  But it’s those days when I really don’t want to practice when I need to do it the most.

There are many reasons we don’t want to practice, we are tired, stressed out, feeling ill or just being lazy.  But there are other reasons, and it may be that we don’t want to face our fears.  Facing our fears is probably the best reason to do your yoga practice, but is for sure the hardest.

The fears that we may have can range from not wanting to push outside our comfort zone, to not wanting to face our true self, to feeling inadequate, to having to let go of what you thought you were.

The fear of dealing with the physical discomfort is a natural human behavior, so the lesson in this is easy.  We must work through the discomfort to move forward.  If we always did things that made us feel comfortable in life, we would probably not have many life experiences or feel very successful.  On the other hand, if the lesson to learn is easy, making it happen is the actual challenge.

Attachment to fear may be one of the factors that are preventing us from moving forward.  Think about it, we have lived so long with this idea of who we are, that we have this fear, so much so that we have no idea how to let it go.  It’s ingrained in our being and letting it go could leave an empty space in our lives.

The other day, while watching others do their practice, I felt a sense of loss to the person I once was.  It was a feeling I had never had before.  I knew that I had changed, that I had become more dedicated to my yoga practice and have changed my lifestyle, but what I hadn’t realized until that moment, was that I was no longer the person I thought I was.

Over the past few years, I have given up habits and behaviors that would not be conducive to a yogic lifestyle.  While giving up those things was not difficult, realizing who I have committed myself to becoming shocked me in a way that was never even conceivable until now.  What came to light, at that moment was a sense of loss.  I was attached to who I had been for so many years and had a fear of embracing who I had become, of whom I have wanted to become and of whom I would like to evolve into.  Fear overtook my entire being at that moment and I just wanted time to stop so I could put the brakes on for a moment to analyze the situation.

Since that moment, I have been mourning the loss of my former self.  A flood of emotions overwhelm me on and off the mat, and the physical discomfort of daily practice feels more like agony.  The more I try to hold on, the more painful the process becomes.  So the lesson is easy, “let go”.  But the action of doing so is very difficult.

Non-attachment is part of the practice of Ashtanga Yoga.  I believe it is one of the most difficult practices, for sometimes we don’t even realize what our attachments are.  I for one had no idea that I was attached to my former self.  Now that I know, the process of letting go can begin.  I know that when I am ready to embrace my “new” self, I will eagerly float to my mat knowing I have overcome yet another obstacle in this day to day operation we call life.  I will have pushed myself out of my comfort zone and will feel really successful.  Until then, I must experience and enjoy the journey ahead.  Ready or not, here I come.

Commitment

What has happened to this idea called commitment?  I am sure you have heard about it.  It’s when you decide to do something and stick with it, through the good and the bad.

But when was the last time you made a commitment to yourself?  How many of us have really made a commitment to ourselves?  If you can’t do that, then can you really commit to anyone else?

It’s obvious our society has left this idea by the wayside.  You can see it in the physical health of our countrymen and women.  Health is the number one commitment you must make to yourself, and if you don’t have that, then all else adds up to very little.  You are just existing while taking up too much space on this diminishing planet.

Commitment is saying to yourself EVERYDAY that you will do the best you possibly can to treat your body, mind and soul like a temple.  Do we do that every minute of everyday?  No, of course not.  But it’s obvious, with the amount of sick and obese in this country that few even try to do it the majority of the time.

If your body is sick, then your mind is not clear.  If you mind is not clear, then your priorities are misaligned.  When your priorities are misaligned, your stress levels increase and the whole cycle continues.  Is there any amount of commitment in that?

Making a commitment to your yoga practice, is the first step in creating a better life for yourself so that you can continue you be a positive role model for your children, family and friends.

With commitment comes the good and the bad.  Some days I don’t feel like working through the discomfort of my yoga practice.  I wish my mind would be clear without the daily practice of meditation and I wish I could be physically fit and internally healthy by eating potato chips and pizza at every meal.

But through the good days and bad days we get up out of bed and make it to the mat.  Through the good days and bad days we take the time to quiet the mind.  And through the good days and bad we choose to eat our vegetables.

It saddens me to see what has become of our society.  The loss of hope that Americans once prided themselves on.  To come back to a commitment to ourselves is to rebuild a stronger society one man, woman and child at a time.

Maybe that in the past, breaking your commitment to someone or something did not have consequences, but isn’t it apparent that that philosophy has led us to where we are now?  Which direction do you want to go?  Figure it out and commit to it, through the good and the bad.

As a yogi, get on your mat regularly.  Do it often and with frequency and don’t give up on yourself.  There will be days when it’s probably the most difficult thing you will have to do and others when it is not.  When you make this commitment to yourself, and do not break it, great things can occur for you and the ones who rely on you.

♥ Open Your Heart ♥

Back bends are probably the scariest yoga poses most yogis have ever had to accomplish.  And it doesn’t matter whether you are binding ankles or simple pushing through a bridge pose; at any stage of the back bend it can be a difficult challenge to move into.

Why do back bends seem like such a struggle?  Well I believe that the art of back bending is directly correlated to the amount of love you have in your life.  Now that is not to say that someone who can bind their ankles with their hands has more love in their life than someone just learning to push their head up off the floor.  What I am saying is that your ability to open your heart and to push through the physical discomfort of breaking that protective barrier around the heart is directly correlated to the way we give and receive love.

Have you ever seen someone hunched over from the shoulders, head stretched forward?  Now picture their face.  What does it look like?  Do they seem like that they have a lot of love in their life?  Probably not, as they actively protect their heart.

Picture a couple on their wedding day; the groom standing at the altar, the bride walking up the isle.  What do they look like?  Shoulders back, chest lifting, crown of their heads reaching to the sky.  This couple is full of love, and it’s obvious.

Wouldn’t we rather look like the couple on their wedding day, everyday?  This is what back bends teach us, to open our hearts to people, living and new experiences.  But life can be disheartening.  Of course it can, this is why we repeat back bends in every yoga practice.  Not to mention they help wake up the central nervous system.

Our many experiences with love in our lives may have led us to heartache, and it shows in our posture and our practice.  So many reasons to protect the heart, love lost whether it was a child, sibling, parent, friend, spouse or grandparent.  Maybe a loved one let us down in the past.  As a result we still hold on to these pieces for whatever reason.

Back bending will teach you to let go of these pieces so that we can make space for MORE love in our lives.  Being able to receive infinite amounts of love into our lives, and more importantly for us to be able to give infinitely more love to everyone, especially the people who really need it.  Like that hunched over acquaintance that has very little room in their heart for love.  Creating this space in our hearts though back bending is difficult, but so well worth it.

Isn’t this what we all live for?  Isn’t this what we are meant to do?  Isn’t LOVE the reason we were all put here on this Earth together?  To LOVE one another?  So don’t you want to do more back bending right now?  I though so. ♥

Personal Goals and Your Practice

I often tell the story of a friend I met while in Mysore.  She had been studying there for a few months and was working on mastering headstand, which many of us know, myself  included,  can take a long time and be a little scary.

She also wanted to drive a scooter.  Having a scooter can give you a lot of freedom, especially in India, and it seems everyone there  is driving them.  I also know, from experience that driving a scooter is also scary.

So she decided to set two goals for herself.  She decided that when she was able to do headstand,  she would also have the confidence to drive a scooter.  And that’s exactly what she did.  The day she got headstand in her practice, she walked right across the street from the shala and rented a scooter.  She was a great driver, and often rode me on the back of it.

Creating  parallels in our practice and in our lives can help continue the momentum forward.  If you create a goal for yourself in your practice, what is the goal that will propel you forth in your everyday life?

As Ashtangis we don’t like to brag about our practice to others.  It is something we are modest about, but at the same time, it is something to celebrate when all that hard work pays off.

Maybe you wanted that new yoga outfit.  So you decide to buy it for yourself when you master marichiansana B.  Maybe you have been wanting a promotion at work and decide that you will be ready for it when you master bhjuapidanasa.  You may not be a good cook, but will create a great meal when you finally get supta kormasana.  What if you know deep down that you want to create a relationship with someone special and believe that will happen when you master back bends?

All things are possible.  Our yoga practice is like a road map for our lives.  When you feel a little crappy in your practice, there’s probably a little crappiness going on in your life.  When you feel really good in your practice, I bet you feel really good in your life.  It’s all connected.

So celebrate your small victories on the mat by creating bigger ones off the mat.  When you do, you will always have something to look forward to.

Blind

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”  -Gandhi

All this celebrating over the death of one evil man makes me confused, as does religion.  It seems to me that many of the ones who are celebrating the death of Bin Laden are right wing Christians.  I’m not saying all Christians are celebrating his death,  but is rejoicing in murder what Jesus would do?

Which leads me to ask many questions about what Jesus would do?  Being raised a Christian, I am very familiar with the Bible and the life of Christ and I know he would be saddened by the behavior that occurs in the world today.

Jesus preached forgiveness, not hate.  And it seems to me that many of the families of the victims of 9/11 still have a lot of hate in their hearts.  Pain is understandable, nothing can bring back a loved one,  but hate will only make one sick in mind and body.

This leads me to other questions in regular life about what Jesus would do.  I’ve been pondering these thoughts since Easter when I told my boyfriend’s daughter that I don’t celebrate it.  Being only 12 and planning on going to church that day with her mom, she was shocked.

I know, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but I highly doubt that Jesus ate pig on the day he rose from the dead, being that he was Jewish.  So why do Christians celebrate it by chowing down on a huge ham?  I also don’t think that Jesus would have gorged himself on chocolate and other candy, ever, since gluttony is a sin.

Jesus would have never mutilated himself to seem more sexually attractive, he would have never flaunted his wealth,  or carry a gun, or even been happy over the murder of his enemy.  Jesus never acted as if he were better than the sinners, the poor or the sick.  Jesus preached peace, love and forgiveness.  He said, “what you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me.”

When you truly have compassion for the sick, the poor and the evil minded, then you can truly be close to God.  It is in that moment that you are one with God.  That is what Jesus would do.

So what is compassion?  In Buddhism, compassion is defined as having affection for others because we are all in this life together, and having a desire to relieve others from their suffering.

Christianity defines compassion as having  pity on those less fortunate.  What does having pity do for others?  So what?  So you feel sorry for them?  How about you feel love for others and move towards peace?  These are the questions we need to ask ourselves.  And the answer comes in many forms…Jesus, Buddha, Dr. King, Mother Theresa…what would they do?

“For only love can save the world from hate.” -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’m not perfect…but I’m trying

Everyday I wake up and trying to be better than the day before, but everyday I end up either saying something I shouldn’t have, consuming something totally unhealthy, poisoning my brain with a negative thought or just spending too much time being a little lazy.  Am I  bad person?  No.  Does everyone feel  this way, I hope so, because no one is perfect, especially me.

The good news is that I am trying.  Everyday I wake up and I try harder than the day before to not say something stupid, to not consume something unhealthy, to not think negative thoughts and to not be a little bit lazy.

I believe that’s where the balance and the forward motion towards a better life comes from.  Because everyday I feel a little better about myself, and everyday I want to become a little happier and more peaceful inside and out.

Do I have regrets?  I don’t really believe in regrets.  To me a regret is wishing you hadn’t done something.  If you hadn’t done that one thing, where would you be now?  Did you learn from that one thing?  What was the gift in the thing you believe to regret?  Now do you regret or can you see it as a gift, a lesson learned?

Mistakes, I’ve made many.  But the good news is that I have learned from them and although I may have been a person in my past that I did not like, I have become a person that I like a lot, a person I would want to be friends with, a person I would want to have in my life.

Those were the questions I asked myself when I realized that I wasn’t a person I wanted to be around.  Who did I want to be friends with, someone like myself?  Now that answer is yes.

So as every morning arises, I awaken with the opportunity to strive towards perfection.  Will I reach perfection?  Probably not in this lifetime, but the journey towards it will surely be worth it, because in striving for perfection lies success, happiness and peace.  Nothing is more valuable than that.